Fungus Boy: OK, say your names.
Coco: Your names, ahhh, OK. We’re even off to a bad start. I am Coco The Electronic Monkey Wizard from Man Or Astroman. And to my left..(he points to his left)
Dexter: Dexter X from the planet Q. I specialize in sound reinforcement and disco dancing.
Birdstuff: I’m Davey, the groupie. (laughter)
Coco: And there’s somebody in the back producing some by-products. (Starcrunch is on the shitter in the bathroom)
Starcrunch: I’m working on Man Or Astroman merchandise. (laughter) I’m doing a flyer for tonight’s show.
Coco: Aww Stewart!
Birdstuff: Can I do the packaging?
Starcrunch: Yes.
Birdstuff: I’m the most friendly of the group and I like bongos and tennis.
Starcrunch: That’s not true.
Birdstuff: Actually I don’t like tennis. I hate tennis.
Dexter X: Hey, I happen to like tennis very much!
Coco: Yeah but you’re not Birdstuff.
Birdstuff: That’s why you act like John MacInroe on stage.
Coco: Yeah, throwin’ you’re guitar around like a tennis racket.
Birdstuff: He said that Starcrunch’s melodies were out of bounds.
Coco: Even though the ref said they were perfectly OK.
Dexter X: The ref’s blind though.
FB: Explain to me what planet you’re from?
Coco: Did you say something about planets?
Birdstuff: Outdated, outmoded, get with the new.
Coco: Come on, passé.
Starcrunch: Open your mind...(everyone starts talking at once)
Coco: Hello, take off the blinders. Planets??
Dexter X: Everything’s gotta be so cut and dry.
Birdstuff: If you’re not inside you’re outside and you are indeed outside for mentioning the home planet concept because we are from a home, fill in the blank right now!
Coco: (Shouting) Grid sector baby! Grid sectors that’s where it’s at today, I’ll sell ya three or four of ‘em, I got all kinds of of grid sectors!!!
Birdstuff: Birdstuff 23-C71.
Coco: Coco 23-169.
Birdstuff: And where are you from Starcrunch?
Starcrunch: Starcrunch 23-D.
Birdstuff: Ohhhh.
Coco: He’s got a nice plot.
FB: What is your mission on Earth?
Birdstuff: To conquer the planet, and we’re voting right now...
Coco: We can’t decide if we should destroy it or give it back.
Birdstuff:...It’s two against two. Starcrunch and I vote to destroy it and Coco and Dexter vote to let you guys have it back.
Coco: ‘Cause I’m done with it. I’m pretty much bored with Earth.
FB: The ‘95 tour has been dubbed the “Lethal” tour, is that right?
Birdstuff: “Man Or Astroman is Lethal” indeed, yes. We have heightened the stakes of your chances of being a patron at one of our shows and dying.
FB: So why do you guys put out so many releases?
Coco: It’s a by-product of our experiments.
Birdstuff: It’s a by-product of our bio-rhythms.
Coco: Starcrunch is working on one right now. (He’s still on the toilet)
Starcrunch: There’s a new release coming right as we speak. (laughter) I’m working on a song in here! (more laughter)
Birdstuff: Every time Starcrunch poops, there’s a poop-a-long.
Coco: That song stinks!
Starcrunch: I’m having trouble with the melody.
FB: You guys should Ziplock that and sell it some of your groupies.
Birdstuff: We do, in fact every time he makes a little space doo, a little log, every solid log at least three inches long he writes a new song.
Coco: He’s been doo-dooing more and more like little goblets or like spew.
Birdstuff: Quit writin’ dingles in there, lets get some ??
Coco: Those little jingles like little goblets.
Starcrunch: Those little ones give you a cha cha beat. (laughter)
Birdstuff: Oh, shit, I’m gonna have to learn a cha cha beat, I ate Mexican tonight.
Coco: Hey. that’s the way it goes. Oh that’s right, is that a four incher?
Starcrunch: Somebody give me some maracas.
Birdstuff: We’ll have Dexter doing the Lambada a little latter.
Coco: Not the forbidden dance!
Birdstuff: It is forbidden.
FB: Is it true that you guys sabotaged the Apollo 13 mission?
Coco: Well you think what you want to think.
Birdstuff: No but we did sabotage Tom Hanks’ hair style.
FB: What about the Challenger?
Coco: What about the Challenger?
FB: It blew up on my birthday.
Coco: You think it was a coincidence?
Birdstuff: So we were in school. We were frustrated. Take it out on your teachers.
FB: We were trying to get our fifth grade teacher sent into space.
Coco: That would have sucked.
Birdstuff: For her.
FB: For her, yeah.
Coco: (With a crazy laugh) We’re going to hell boys, we’re going to hell.
Birdstuff: And back. (more laughter)
Starcrunch: (emerging from the bathroom) Are you guys ready to learn the shit?
FB: We don’t have a camera or we’d take a picture of it.
Coco: We’re not going to get a picture in your zine? Hey wait a minute Doo Rag got a picture in your zine.
FB: I actually took those pictures and they look like crap.
Birdstuff: Don’t we have a P.O. box that we can tell for all Earth denizens?
FB: Isn’t on the back of the CD?
Birdstuff: It’s on the back of the new CD. It’s P.O. Box Space. (Starcrunch laughs)
FB: How many songs do you think you have recorded in you existence?
Birdstuff: One hundred and seventeen...(Birdstuff & Starcrunch together)...point three.
FB: You guys are on Estrus but you put out a lot of stuff on other labels....
Birdstuff: We just changed motherships.
Starcrunch: We jumped ship.
Coco: We jumped the Estrus ship baby!
Birdstuff: We left the Estrus moon and we’ve landed on the Touch & Go home planet.
FB: Really?
Birdstuff: So, but we’re still uh...
(Starcrunch starts banging on a box with drum sticks)
Starcrunch: I’m doing my Doo Rag.
Coco: (imitating the sound of the Doo Rag bull horns) (mumbling) Doo Rag!!!
FB: Are you guys constantly being asked to do things like seven inches?
Birdstuff: (jokingly) By Doo Rag? Yes.
Coco: They always want us to do stuff...(everyone starts talking at once about Doo Rag)
Birdstuff: They want us to put them on the guest list all the time, you know.
Coco: Yeah I know, come on.
Starcrunch: Plus two.
Coco: They want us to sell their records at our shows.
Birdstuff: What was Thermos wearing? He was wearing like a Cardigan sweater and like nobody recognized him.
Starcrunch: He’s a frat boy.
Dexter: Yeah, I think he is really a frat boy.
FB: It’s kinda weird, the first time I saw him he wouldn’t say a word, he just sat there and the last two times I saw him he’s been crazy, jumping around, wearing a big afro wig.
Coco: (in a weird voice) It’s them drugs, see what the drugs can do to ya! (laughter) I’m telling ya you guys gotta get off the drugs!
Starcruch: Look what it did to Ween.
Coco: See what it did to Ween! Those guys used to be normal man, those guys are fucked up now! (more laughter)
FB: Thermos didn’t want to talk so we just did the interview with Bob.
Birdstuff: It’s ‘cause he’s one of those guys that wears a toboggan in the summer time, that shit fries your brain.
Coco: Yeah, what is that? Your head is your prime heat sync?? , 70 percent of your heat is dissipated through your head and you’re wearing a toboggan in the summer!
Dexter X: Yeah and they’re from Arizona.
Coco: Yeah, like Tucson.
FB: It’s from playin’ that box too much.
Dexter X: Knockin’ that box too much.
FB: Box fumes, that’s what it is.
Coco: Box fumes.
Dexter X: Hey ask me a question. You don’t care do ya? (laughs)
Birdstuff: Ask me a question somebody.
Starcrunch: Ask me a question somebody.
FB: Are you guys into science fiction movies?
Starcrunch & Birdstuff: Nooo.
Birdstuff: My favorite film is “Kramer Vs. Kramer”.
Starcrunch: I like that “Indecent Proposal”.
Dexter X: Mine’s “Free Willy”.
FB: Are you guys Discovery Channel freaks because I recognize that one sample from a lightning show I watched.
Coco: (acting surprised) Ohhhh, shit we thought nobody would notice.
Starcrunch: Actually that’s a great show, we love that show.
Coco: They stole it from us.
Dexter X: My second favorite movie is “Water World”.
Birdstuff: Tell ‘em what happens in “Waterworld”.
Coco: It sucks! That’s what happens.
Starcrunch: You know what happens in “Waterworld”, it will someday end.
Dexter X: “Free Willy 1”, “Free Willy 2”, and “Waterworld”.
Coco: I was expecting to see Free Willy show up in “Waterworld”, that would have made it good. (laughter) They ate Free Willy.
Birdstuff: They only showed Kevin Costner from the waist to the head up because he had to wear water wings in the actual water.
Starcrunch: That’s because he really can’t swim.
FB: I heard it was shot with a camcorder in a kiddie pool.
Birdstuff: It was.
FB: And he just charged them 200 million dollars for that.
Coco: He was in his backyard.
Dexter X: They got the same effects as “Clash Of The Titans”
Birdstuff: Tell ‘em why they had to shoot it twice Dexter X, and this is no lie.
Dexter X: He didn’t like the way his hair was showing up because he’s thinning a little bit on the top side. He needs Rogane.
Coco: The pollyfuse method.
FB: I read something in the Enquirer one time that said Marlon Brando for his next movie he wasn’t going to be in it at all, they were going to use a computer generated image of him.
Dexter X: You know that’s all true. Everything in the Enquirer is true. I don’t know why they get such a bum rap.
Birdstuff: We are computer generated automates at this point and we will continue to be from now on because we are franchising.
Dexter X: Coco is our computer generator.
FB: Would you like to see a story on you in the Enquirer?
Birdstuff: Yes indeed, we’ve been in the Enquirer several times.
Coco: I always do all the touch up photography.
Birdstuff: Did you not see that picture of Coco and President Clinton?
FB: I’ve got that issue at home.
Coco: That’s me.
Starcrunch: Did you see the one of Coco and Kennedy?
Coco: Did you see me face on Mt. Rushmore? Huh?
FB: No, I saw it on the moon though.
Dexter X: Hey ask us some more questions about “Waterworld”. (laughter)
FB: Let’s talk about your web site for a while.
Coco: Man, this web site thing is going ballistic.
Dexter X: It is man, it is.
Coco: Uh, Coco The Electronic Monkey Wizard is the responsible for the web page. Did you guys go to Lollapalooza? Did you see a little thing evidently? We heard about that just now from the last guys (who interviewed them).
FB: Yeah, that’s were we saw it at. We didn’t know you guys had a web page until we saw it.
Starcrunch: What things?
Coco: The web page was listed...
FB: It was listed in a magazine and it tells how to get to it.
Coco: On the Lollapalooza thing.
FB: I think it was put together by the people at Ben Is Dead.
Coco: Yeah, that’s what I heard. Yeah that’s fantastic, I’m glad that it’s getting the—’cause with that kind of thing sometimes it’s hard to know exactly how many people are viewing it. You can monitor clicks, like how many times somebody changes from screen to screen or downloads something but that’s not really a good indicator of how many people are actually seeing it because you could have one freak that spends all day playing with it. Not that that would be bad but that’s—that’s really good. Did you guys see it?
FB: Yeah we got on there about two weeks ago.
Coco: Yeah it hasn’t changed because obviously we’ve been on the road, that’s the only problem with it. Did you download the video?
FB: I tried to.
Coco: I need to put like a file size next it because a lot of people complain, “I tried to download your video but it took a fuckin’ hour”. Did you check out the graphic discography and all that kinda stuff too?
FB: Yeah.
Coco: Yeah, all right! We’ve got a video on there and you can click and download the video, it’s a large file. It’s like six megabytes or something.
Dexter X: You should tell people that.
Coco: I know but I didn’t, so.
Birdstuff: Coco does not inform us very well.
Coco: But it says, “download the video”, so it’s like you should know that it’s gonna be a relatively large file.
Birdstuff: We were talking about web pages and I got confused and thought he said “web foot” so I was out trying to scale walls you know, being a friendly neighborhood space rocker.
Starcrunch: Waterworld!! You know in Waterworld he’s got webbed feet!
Birdstuff: He hasn’t asked any questions, I just got that out.
Coco: (We’re) Talkin’ about web pages, not web feet!
Starcrunch: There’s web feet in Waterworld!
Coco: Do you have any more questions about the web page since I know the subject?
FB: How often do you update it?
Coco: When I’m in town, when I’m at home, HQ, I update it about once a week. When I’m on the road I don’t update it at all. On the next tour I’m gonna be—actually, you might want to print this, I’m gonna be startin’ a web site service, plug, plug, plug. And, uh...
Birdstuff: This is part of the Man Or Astroman corporate franchise.
Coco: I’ll be able to update it from on the road actually because I’m gonna try and get it where it’s a nationalserver, I can call up a 800 number.
FB: We sent you guys some e-mail but then we realized that since you were on the road you probably wouldn’t see it.
Coco: Well, it's probably sittin’ on the mailbox.
Starcrunch: You know where it’s at? You know where your e-mail thing is probably at?
FB: Where?
Starcrunch: Cyberspace.
Coco: (laughing) That’s where you can find it.
FB: Are you guys anti CD?
Coco: No.
Starcrunch: I like—I mean I think it’s a good investment. CD’s make sense these day’s.
Coco: They mature well, they’re a safe investment.
Starcrunch: They’re much better than just low yield stocks. I would much rather go with CD’s.
FB2: Did you guys ever record the seven inch that was supposed to be a musical tribute to Atari?
Coco: No! That is the answer.
Birdstuff: That’s a tough question, see Starcrunch comes from the same planet on the Missile Command game where the cities get destroyed, so he is pissed.
Starcrunch: I’m pissed!
Coco: That sucks.
Birdstuff: All his family, all his friends...
Coco: Don’t remind him!
Starcrunch: We saved all of our ammunition in that one little place.
Coco: (laughing) I know!
Starcrunch: And they broke through the missile silo and got it all. (laughter)
FB: We’ve got an Atari set up at home right now.
Coco: Really?
FB: We’ve got like ten, twenty games.
Coco: We’re gonna have to get back to our roots ‘cause you know we use to set up like 10, 20 of those motherfuckers, the 2600’s, on stage! Like on the front, you could come down and play ‘em. Seriously.
Birdstuff: You know the Pitfall guy, the shitty blockhead thing? They based that on Coco’s stage movement.
Coco: They did, they way he runs, the way he jumps. (he starts humming the Pitfall music)
Birdstuff: Let’s put three alligators across stage. (laughter)
FB: I heard they actually released a CD-ROM of all the old games.
Coco: No way!
FB: That’s what I heard, they just released it.

Coco: That rocks!
FB: I remember when they first came out, my brother went down to the store and they cost like a hundred bucks.
Coco: (laughing) I know, now you can buy, for a hundred bucks you can buy like six thousand cartridges, eighteen units, and a couple of TV's to go with it.
FB: You see them around for like fifty cents.
FB2: Did anybody ever find Captain Zeno?
Coco: No, he’s still wandering around in microsize.
Birdstuff: Baby size, he’s got shit in his britches.
Coco: We got Dr. Deleto two dimensional, we got Baby Zeno, I’ll tell ya.
Birdstuff: Dr. Deleto is what we call “carbon style”.
FB: What was your “Garage Shock” experience like? You guys have played that more than once right?
Birdstuff: We always get shocked any time we play in the garage because the garage does not have proper wiring.
Coco: (laughing) It’s not grounded properly.
Birdstuff: I tried to get Coco to fix it but he’s like no go.
Coco: No go Coco.
FB: What happened to the electric coil that was supposed to zap people in the audience?
Coco: What do you mean, what happened to it!?! You people are so impatient, I haven’t finished building it, I haven’t even started on it. (laughs) It’s not for this tour, see he’s been telling everybody that ‘95 is the year, it’s really ‘96.
Starcrunch: That’s the Olympic year.
Birdstuff: That’s the reason we moved to Atlanta.
Coco: Yes, ‘96, we’re lethal and we’re training right now for the Olympics.
FB: What do you think about the Olympics invading Atlanta?
Coco: I think it’s fine because they came right to our hometown. They’re challenging us on our turf and we’re gonna take ‘em all. (laughs)
Starcrunch: We’re gonna steal all of the silver medals and use them in our space craft.
Birdstuff: You think we play good space rock just wait till you see our synchronized swimming!
Coco: Yeah, and I got one hell of a fuckin’ shotput.
FB: What do you think of the guys in Supernova? (Coco laughs) Are they you rivals or your enemy?
Birdstuff: They’re Earth people, they’ll be destroyed like everyone. We got the one that was from space.
Starcrunch: Cynot 3 is a made believe planet.
Dexter X: Cynot 3 is a star though.
FB: Do you guys have it in your contract to always have Starcrunches before you play?
Coco: Absolutely, we won’t even consider it.
Birdstuff: No, no, no, not just Starcrunches but everybody. We all have...
FB: You should be sponsored by Little Debbie.
Coco: We’ve been trying for years but they don’t buy it.
Starcrunch: They don’t consider us an asset.
Coco: Yeah, exactly. They don’t see us helping out their marketing one bit.
Birdstuff: Actually Dave Crider at Estrus was looking into making personalized Man Or Astroman Little Debbie cakes for us.
Coco: He had to order like fifty thousand.
Birdstuff: He had to order thirty thousand to have the packaging made.
Starcrunch: Of the same type.
Coco: What the hell are you with thirty thousand Nutty Bars?
Starcrunch: That’s a lot of chocolate to be hauling around from show to show. That stuff’s gonna be melted.
FB: My grandma used to by that for us all the time, Little Debbies.
Starcrunch: Thirty thousand?
FB: Just about, she had them all the time.
Coco: You know one tour we saved all the proof of purchases thinkin’ we could send them and like show ‘em how many we consumed.
Starcrunch: But we never sent them off. (laughter)
Coco: I carried them around a whole tour then I lost them.
Birdstuff: That was really uneventful, I was let down by your proof of purchase story. You didn’t even need to tell them that.
FB: Is that Dave Crider at the end of “Destroy All Astromen” saying, “There is no mystery track”.
Starcrunch: Yeah, that’s him.
FB: I recognized his voice, one time I called and got the answering machine.
Coco: (imitating Dave) “Hey, you’ve reached Estrus. If you want to send a fax you can send it now.” (laughter)
FB: Does Ted Turner have a stranglehold over Atlanta?
Coco: Ted Tuner ain’t got nothing!
Starcrunch: He’s got a stranglehold over Barbarella, our finest women, Miss Jane, wearing an Atlanta Braves baseball cap with rhinestones all over it. (They all start talking at once)
FB2: How many people are in your fan club?
Coco: I don’t know. Do you know how many people are in the fan club?
Starcrunch: No.
Coco: I don’t know, he (points to Birdstuff) might know.
Birdstuff: Uh, thirty five hundred...
Coco: That’s the mailing list. Are we talking about the mailing list or the paid subscribers?
FB2: The paid subscribers.
Birdstuff: There’s 745.
Coco: Really? I like these interviews, I learn so much about the band.
FB: Are you guys heading off the Australia & Japan later this year?
Birdstuff: In December, for Christmas, for Jesus, he told us to do it.
FB: So are there a lot of Astrofans worldwide.
Birdstuff: No, there’s none.
Coco: Astrosuckers!
Birdstuff: No Astrofans, just Astrosuckers.
FB: You guys call yourselves “Astrodorks”?
Birdstuff: We’re the eight legged dork machine.
Coco: (laughing) That’s right.
FB2: Do you have a lot of fans calling you since your number is on the back of the CD?
Birdstuff: Yes, unfortunately.
Coco: But that’s what makes it fun, that’s why we put ‘em there.
Starcrunch: There’s an element of danger.
Birdstuff: (imitating one of the calls) “I’m Billy and I’m from Richmond...”
Coco: I didn’t ever use to get any phone calls, on my grid sector.
Birdstuff: Everyday I check my machine and it’s like, (in a really funny voice) “This is John from Kalamazoo, did you see the Mystery Science Theater episode where Godzilla gets attacked by Yoda?” (everyone busts into laughter).
Dexter X: Did you guys work in any questions for me yet ‘cause I’m getting really ambitious.
FB: OK, you’re like the roadie guy? (Everyone busts into laughter again, Dexter’s face turns bright red with anger) I have no clue what you do alright.
Starcrunch: Ahh, sun burn. (more laughter) (Dexter jumps up from the couch and proceeds to rip apart the issue of Fungus Boy that he was reading and then he storms out of the room)
FB: Hey, you’re the second person to do that! (see Melvins interview in issue 7)
Coco: See that, first he leaves Supernova now he leaves Man Or Astroman.
Starcrunch: (laughing) That’s not very nice of our roadie.
Birdstuff: Go tune my drums!
Coco: (laughing) Is that van running good?
FB: I didn’t know, is he in the band?
Coco: Yeah, he’s in the band.
Birdstuff: He’s the new rhythm guitar player, Dexter X.
FB: He never made it clear. So he’s from Supernova?
Coco: He was in Supernova.
FB: How long ago was that?
Coco: About a year ago. He’s the man.
FB: Those guys (Supernova) played here in February.
Coco: Yeah, he wasn’t in the band then.
FB: When are planning on releasing the live home video? (silence) Is that still in the works?
Birdstuff: Christmas time, the season for the reason to get your video of Man Or Astroman.
Starcrunch: We can give it a jolt of electricity where we can make it live.
Birdstuff: We’re gonna come out of the screen, it’s gonna be like “Videodrone”.
FB: Is that going to be on Estrus or Touch & Go, or self made?
Coco: We’ll see who bids the most amount of money.
Starcrunch: I think Time Life’s looking at it.
Birdstuff: Estrus is putting out the normal, yeah Time Life wanted to do a whole series.
Starcrunch: I think they might put it on their documentary series of “Trials Of Life”.
Coco: NO, it’s gonna be a nice book in a do-it-yourself, it’s gonna be right after “Kitchens & Bathrooms”.
Birdstuff: Estrus is putting out the like normal version, Touch & Go is putting out the X rated version. Which has Coco putting—it’s not really that dirty but does have a little...
Starcrunch: It does touch on a few adult themes.
Birdstuff: Yeah, it touches on a few adult themes, one of such has Coco rubbing Starcrunch’s back with sun tan lotion.
Starcrunch: But it was totally innocent.
Coco: I know, it was just one guy putting sun tan lotion on another guy’s back.
Starcrunch: So we were naked. (laughter)
Coco: Yeah, so we were naked. So there was nobody else around.
Starcrunch: So there was no sun in sight.
Coco: But you’ve got to do these things to protect each other.
Birdstuff: So you guys were in a bathroom stall.
Coco: Yeah, so what.
FB: Why does your trailer say “TV repair” on it, is that so when the cops pull you over they won’t think you stole all those TV’s?
Coco: No, it’s so the old ladies go, “You fix televisions?”, and we say, “Sure, just give us your television, we’ll fix it. We do ‘em on the road, we’ll bring it back by.” and we get free TVs, no.
Birdstuff: Tell ‘em about our cop story. The beagle, tell ‘em about the beagle.
Coco: Actually we’re driving down, uhh, the road...(laughter)
Birdstuff: As opposed to space.
Coco: We’re driving down the road in Costa Mesa, California...
Starcrunch: Redondo Beach, it wasn’t Costa Mesa.
Coco: It was very close to Costa Mesa. So we’re driving and this guy pulls up next—Dexter X is driving and this guy pulls up next to him and rolls down the window and says, “Hey, what are you doing?”
Birdstuff: And he had a beagle no less.
Coco: Yeah, and he had a beagle. He looks over and goes...
Starcrunch: He’s drinkin’ a beer...
Coco: WAIT, WAIT!! Wait! And he (Dexter) goes, “I don’t know, who are you?” And the guy said, “I’m the Police.” This guy says, “I’m the Police”, and he’s got a beagle sitting in the passenger seat and he’s drinking a beer. OK, so the guy fades back a little bit and uh, Dexter X is kinda like, “What in the samhell?”, and so we’re driving down the road a little further, it’s like five minutes later, all of a sudden Dexter goes, “Wait a minute, that was the cops!”. We’re like, “What? Whoa there’s another one, and wait there’s another one.” All these cops get behind us, turn on their lights and pull us over. We’re going, “What is going on?”. The cops come up to the window and they’re like, “Everybody put your hands outside the window.”. So there were like all these people in this van...
Birdstuff: Plus there’s a side window you can’t open.
Coco: Yeah, they just like open up a little bit so I’m trying to stick our hands—our fingers out the windows. It’s like, “I’m going to take my seat belt off now.”. Asked us to get out of the van they came over and opened up the side, evidently our trailer had been reported stolen.
Birdstuff: It (the trailer) says, “Repairing your TV with savage teenaged lust”. We’re like, “Yeah”.
Coco: Somebody claimed that that was their trailer and that we had stolen it from them. So they went through all this rigamara and foofa and actually this policeman ends up correcting us, it was not a beagle it was something else.
Starcrunch: Basset hound.
Coco: Yeah, it was Basset hound ‘cause they sit lower to the ground.
Birdstuff: That’s it, that’s the end.
Coco: That’s the end.
FB: I’ve heard about people buying uniforms and acting like cops.
Coco: No this guy evidently, somebody else pulled up and it was the guy that reported it stolen, the guy with the Beagle like was never brought into the story, Basset hound, sorry.
FB: But he was drinkin’ a beer and he was a cop?
Coco: No, he wasn’t a cop.
FB: Oh it was the other guy.
Coco: I didn’t have anything to do with anything.
Starcrunch: We still don’t understand that.
Coco: Yeah, we still don’t know the full story. You gotta read the book.
FB2: Do you like 5” or 7”s better?
Birdstuff: We did the 5”. What was the question, why did we do the 5”?
Coco: No, he said, “Do you like 5” or 7”s better?”.
Birdstuff: I like 7”s better but Long Gone John’s, who runs Sympathy & puts out all the 5”s, his penis is only 5”s long. He said, “Why don’t you guys do a record the size of my penis?”.
Coco: He said, “Five inches is perfectly long enough, it’s perfectly big enough.”.
Starcrunch: It’s not the size, it’s what you do with it.
Coco: It’s what’s on it!
FB: Some of you guys did an interview with James Brown, is that right?
Birdstuff: No.
Starcrunch: Liar.
FB: What was the deal on that?
Birdstuff: It was really good. It was a meeting—it had to be because it was the complete opposite ends of polarity and spectrum, James Brown being the most soulful man in creation and Man Or Astroman being the most dorky, white, linear, mathematical, uh, soulless band possible. So we had to collide somehow.
Coco: And we end up somewhere between like, I don’t know what band we end up with...
Starcrunch: Dokken.
Coco: Yeah, somewhere about half way.
Birdstuff: No, Dokken’s pretty white.
Starcrunch: But they got that groove goin’.
Birdstuff: Yeah, they do have that groove. They do groove.
FB: What interview number would this one be? As in how many have you done?
Coco: Ever? Six googoplex.
Birdstuff: You have five more questions before we must receive transmission.
Coco: You’ve got five more answers, you can ask as many as you want.
FB: OK, I’ve got a question about a thing I saw in the newsletter about legislation on samples. Are you for that or against it?
Coco: We’re against the fact that they are legislating against sampling.
Birdstuff: All the copyright laws are completely outdated and outmoded. In space you can sample anything.
Coco: When they wrote the laws there was no digital samplers. There was none of this technology and they need to be revamped, but they need to be revamped correctly so you need to write your congressman dammit! How’d you like that for a punctual statement, huh? People say we’re not a political band, huh?
FB2: Are you guys big fans of the Pixies?
Coco: Who? Pixie sticks.
Birdstuff: I like elfs. I’m more into like different small woodland creatures.
Coco: I like gnome theifs actually. (laughter)
Birdstuff: Yes, they have less hit points.
FB: So you guys have recorded some songs for commercials?
Birdstuff: Yes, for uh, trojans, extra large.
FB: You know what I saw on TV the other day? A Levi’s jeans commercial with...
Coco: With Doo Rag, yeah, yeah!!
FB: I saw that and I was freakin’ out.
Coco: Yeah, I haven’t see it yet, I missed it. We walked into the hotel room today like the commercial after it...
Birdstuff: Thermos is like sitting up against this gas station pump and he’s like out on route 66 somewhere, and he’s sweating and he brushes his brow. And then Bob comes up and touches his butt with one finger and points to the sky, it has a sound effect that goes, “tssss”, like a sizzle and then it says, “Levi’s 501”, and you hear Doo Rag playing in the background. (laughter) It’s the truth.
FB: That must be a different vesion than I saw. (more laughter)
Birdstuff: All right, two more answers!
FB2: Have you guys ever played Dungeons & Dragons?
Birdstuff: You mean with nachos on the stage?
Coco: We opened for D.J. Nacho.
Starcrunch: And his latino band.
FB: We better make this last one good.
Birdstuff: What’s it gonna be, twenty thousand dollar question.
Coco: That’s right. what’s it gonna be?
FB: OK, here it is, have you ever been approached by major labels looking to sign you?
Birdstuff: Yes in fact, Coco tell ‘em how my tom arm is in place right now.
Coco: The tom arm? Oh this is an interesting thing, Birdstuff has collected so many of these approaches that he’s used their cards to prop up his stand on his drums so it stands correctly. So who said major labels were good for nothing. He needed some thing to tighten it up and they (the business cards) fit perfectly. That’s the honest truth, you can go down and look.
Birdstuff: We’re more corporate than the major labels ourselves. We build our own nuclear bombs, we do our own testing on animals, we don’t need them.
FB: Did you hear about the guy that bought the nuclear bomb at an auction?
Coco: Yeah, yeah, he just got it at a swamp meet. Yeah, hey.
FB: I guess the government bought it back but the guy tried to sell it to Australia.
Coco: That rocks, that’s a fuckin’ good garage sale. You want to talk about a thrift store find, a nuclear bomb is about as cool as it gets.
Birdstuff: Yeah, fuck Marvin Gaye records, go for the bomb!